It must be nice to be a wanker

It must be nice to be a wanker: to believe with all your heart that a thumping bass, an almost-nice car, and a slightly askew baseball cap are all that is needed to find your perfect mate - and be right.. every week.

It must be nice to be a wanker: to just know that gays are bad, or women should stay at home - without having to think too hard about why.

It must be nice to be a wanker: to be moved so much by simple rhetoric, and to vote for the man who sounds most generically like you do down the pub.

It must be nice to be a wanker: to live so free, and unencumbered by consideration or compassion.

It must be nice to be a wanker: to be astounded and fulfilled by day-time TV.

Oh! To be a wanker! Why do good things never happen to me?